Even for those of us with the most impure thoughts have faced the challenge of talking dirty in the heat of the moment, and had the moment turn to ice before our very eyes. It seems no big deal to lose ourselves in animalistic sessions of sex, with all of the moans, groans and jibberish sounds escaping from our bodies without a self-conscious thought. But being asked outright to say dirty things? C’mon buddy, is it not enough that we’re doing them? Having someone ask you to talk about the filthy and erotic activities you’re doing makes you wonder if they’re aware of what’s already going on. The logic aside, speaking in obscenities can turn up the heat of any sexual encounter. It takes some getting used to, but you can ease yourself into it. Let me guide you through it.
How to Become a Professional at Talking Dirty
There’s no rush
You might feel a little overwhelmed and a lot embarrassed by pressure to smut it up with the best of them. There is no hurry; you don’t have to recite whole paragraphs of erotica. It can really start as a couple of words here and there before you work your way up to the serious stuff. Tip: Start quietly stating the obvious. Not so quiet that your partner has to keep saying “What?” and you have to keep repeating it until it becomes super unsexy. If you’re enjoying yourself, say “yes,” or even spice it up with some swearing. “Fuck yes, fuck me” – there is a sentence that tells your lover they’re doing a bang-up job. Obviously, if you’re having sex, you’re not telling them anything but the encouragement is hot. When talking dirty, giving them new information is not pivotal. That’s where a lot of people get flustered; you don’t have to come up with unique scenarios and use your imagination to its extent.
React to the action
The simplest way to start talking dirty is by expressing your feelings on whatever is happening in that moment. Do you like the way your partner goes down on you? Tell them just that. Something along the lines of, “I (adjective) the way you (verb) me/my (body part)” will do. The adjective is the descriptive word; like, love, adore, while the verb is the action, to kiss, lick, finger, fuck, – I think you get the picture. Even getting to this stage can be a little daunting; it might seem strange to speak out loud what you’re both literally doing right then and there. It’s not, though! It’s almost too easy, but the effects are real. Also, it establishes a connection between the two of you. Although you may engage in the same or similar acts regularly, hearing you – between moans – telling your lover how much you enjoy their effort is genuine and encouraging.
If you’re in control or if you would feel more comfortable, you can ask questions or describe your actions to your partner. “Do you like it when I do this?” is a vague statement that can be naughty in the right context. It works perfectly when you’re pleasuring the other person and haven’t got your mouth full. From that, you can get really specific in describing what it is you’re doing or how you feel about it. Tell them that you like doing it and that you’ve thought about it all day.
Don’t overdo it
Talking dirty can be excellent foreplay; whether you use it to build tension through texts and calls before you’re together, or you tease and seduce your partner before you get it on. While you’re in the heat of the moment, don’t talk too much. It’s hard to say exactly how much is too much, your partner might love a constant narration. I’d say the point is not to get caught up in the narrative and either say something incredibly weird (thus creating an awkward silence and even more uncomfortable dismount) or speak so much it distracts your partner or pressures them and makes them feel like they’re just being told what to do. Leave some to the imagination, and save your best lines for use later on. Don’t be concerned with your words not landing with conviction. Make eye contact when you’re being suggestive (or obscene) and your eyes will add intensity.
Remember, talking dirty doesn’t have to be straight-up unfiltered filth if you don’t want it to be. The things you say will depend on your comfort level and the nature of your relationship with your lover. Take small steps toward expressing yourself verbally and it will get easier. The person with a smutty mouth could even be an alter ego if that makes any difference. You may find becoming vocal even helps you be more direct in asking for what you want – and getting it.